Meggans a - Meggans guide to a brighter life

Hello I'am Meggan Welcome to my website.

Kid Quotables

In the car after buying my nephew an electric guitar…

Jordan:  ”Auntie Meggan, my electric guitar wasn’t made in China…the sticker says HAND CRAFTED IN CHINA.”

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Thank You Jean

My friend just died.   She was 82 and she was everybody’s friend, or I should say everybody wanted to be her friend.

Jean Runyon.

She was powerful woman with a resume and charm that was envied.  Accomplished actress, founder of powerful public relations firm, philanthropist, woman of the year, woman on the decade, … and the list goes on.

Jean was intelligent, lovable, shrewd, calculating, successful, funny, and deadly serious.  Behind her Carol Channing funny lady with a brain that could stop you in your tracks.

I had the privilege to know Jean in the final years of her life. She adored my husband and through Ettore and our good friend Eric, I got to know Jean in the last years of her life.

Despite being in her 80′s, Jean came to see my in the play The Vagina Monologues.  She didn’t mind the sirens outside the theater, the dingy seating, or my bad New Jersey accent.  She clapped the loudest and took me for champagne afterwords, praising everything about my performance.  Jean was always encouraging me to continue in the arts and was delighted when I started this blog.  Every time I went to see her in the hospital she asked how my website was going. 

 About 6 months when I went to visit Jean I asked her a piece of advice.   I had contacted a cosmetics company that I liked in New York called ELF Cosmetics inquiring if they could use a mommy perspective on their cosmetics blog.  ELF wrote back and said they were interested in my writing and they wanted my best writing sample.  Here was my dilemma, my best writing sample happened to be about my vagina and post-birth vagina surgery.  Doesn’t exactly make you want to jump up and buy lipstick.

I went to Jean with advice about my dilemma.  Send a cosmetics company a writing sample about my “down there parts” or send them something less risque and watered down?

Jean then gave me the best piece of advice ever.

She said, “Never live in fear.  Go big.  Never compromise your voice…AND IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOUR VAGINA…THEN SCREW THEM!  You don’t want to write for the anyway!”

I went home and I folled Jean’s advice.  I sent a ELF my funny story about my beat-up, tore up from the floor up, sewed up vagina….AND THEY LOVED IT!

That post got the ball rolling.  In addition to writing for ELF cosmetics I also write for, and…and more to come.  My site continues to grow and I will always remember the words of advice Jean gave me and I took to heart.   Every woman and man should take to heart…be true to you.

THANK YOU JEAN RUNYON, for believing in me, my vagina, my voice.

I’ll never forget you.


Quiet Time

Lucas and Ettore

Ettore just got these wireless headphones for when he watches television.  He lovingly told me that the headphones would benefit the FAMILY because this way we won’t be disturbed by the television.

I actually think they benefit ETTORE so he won’t be disturbed by the family when he is watching television. 

I swear I am going to catch him wearing those and the T.V. won’t even be on.  Ettore probably stole those headphones off a guy directing planes in at the airport. 

Yes, we are that loud.

Spanx That Ass

spanx1[1]“I haven’t left the house without Lycra on these thighs since I was fourteen.”

- Truvy from Steel Magnolias played by Dolly Parton.

I am in LOVE.  A heated, passionate, public display of affection, hold me in right all night love affair with my Spanx Body Shaper.  

I was a body shaper virgin before I Spanxed for the first time.  I was preparing for a friend’s wedding and I looked more like the sausage of honor than the maid of honor.  I took myself to Nordstrom and shyly asked the sales associate to help me and to be gentle.  Would wearing a shaper hurt anything besides my ego?  Would I feel different…more like a woman?   Would people be able to tell just by looking at me that I had “done it” and bought and wore a body shaper?  Like any virgin I needed a tender touch, some patience, and someone to go slow and make me feel comfortable. 

The sales associate quickly dispelled any fears and fit me with the amaze-balls Higher Power Spanx Shaper that held it all in from below my breast bone to my mid thigh.  Without being squeezed in and uncomfortable I looked like I lost 10 pounds and felt amazing.  My muffin top had finally met it’s match!  Spanx work great for us Moms too, as it holds in and smooths down the post-pregnancy belly. 

There are also so many Spanx shapers and options to choose from AND Spanx has also come out with a budget friendly line of shapers called Assets.  I am singing Spanx praises from the mountain tops and so are a lot of other women.  Seems like wherever I go, ladies are proudly displaying their Spanx shapers.  I was married in Spanx, I wear Spanx with jeans and this weekend I have a high school reunion, so you know Mama went and bought herself a brand new pair.  I love them.

With Spanx you are ready for the party and when you wear Spanx you feel like you are having a party in your pants.

*I did not receive a product sample or compensation for this post.  The views and opinions expressed here are my own.

Kid Quotables

“Dad, I don’t understand why I can’t have a t.v. in my room…even PRISONERS get their own t.v.’s!!!!”


I’m Bringing Sexy Back?

Day ten of no Zoloft.  It is going well.  I was only on Zoloft for about seven weeks, so it is not too difficult to come off of it.  I have been sticking true to the plan of more intense exercise to combat the anxiety and so far so good.  I went to another Body Attack class and there was slightly less blubbering about on my part than last time.  I have lost seven pounds of Zoloft weight gain and only have eight more pounds to go to be where I was before I started the meds.

I am feeling good…dare I say…sexy.

Looking pretty, sexy, feminine is all a new thing for me.  Don’t get me wrong. I am not sipping the self Hatorade.  I think I am an attractive person.  I don’t think I am ugly or unattractive or any other self loathing labels.  It has just always been important for me to be strong, not pretty.  I always thought those two were separate things.

Growing up my heroes were Wonder Woman and The Bionic Woman.  I loved those bitches.  If I was the Bionic Woman and the Bionic Man came around looking for loving, I would be more concerned with kicking his ass in the 100m run.  Superman may be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but my Wonder Woman would beat him to the punch in her invisible jet, while wearing wicked red boots and gold wrist cuff bracelets.

I have always been tall and stood out for my height.  Once and old man in San Diego came up to me in a line for coffee and said, ”Honey, you broke the mold.  My God, I didn’t think they made them like you anymore.”  He then kicked me like he was kicking a tire.

I think he thought I was a Buick. 

Being strong, tall, better than the boys made me feel safe.  I remember when I was modeling when I was younger.  I loved it, until I got good at it and started to be recognized more and more for how I looked.  It made me soo uncomfortable and I felt out of control.  I have been a performer my whole life and I loved being up on stage as an actress, and I was/am still very good at it.  There was something though about getting attention for how I looked that made my skin crawl.  I could not stand ALL THOSE EYES ON ME.  I felt I was being watched, but not in a good way.  I felt so vulnerable, like people were penetrating me with their eyes and I felt naked.  I have talked about the sexual abuse I had suffered through as a child and adolescence.   Attention for my looks brought up all the unresolved emotions and hidden fear from the abuse.  At the time I did not process that the abuse had nothing to do with how I looked.  It was all sickness, power, rage, and control.  I felt if I stood out for my looks, then I would be abused all over again.  Pretty didn’t equal power.

Pretty made me feel weak.

Still I was young, tall, and thin with a stage presence and big smile that came across on camera.  After a mall fashion show in Chico, California I was scouted by Click Models from New York and offered a chance to go to New York and audition for the fashion shows.

I never called. 

I never went. 

I quit modeling right then.  It is one of my biggest regrets of  ”what if.”

ALLLL of that is slowly changing as I enter into motherhood, wifehood…and some good old fashioned intense therapy.  I told and let go all the secrets.  Step one in taking control and getting my own power back.  Secrecy creates control and power.  If the secrets are out, then there is nothing to hide from.  Suddenly as myself and as a wife and a Mother I have never felt more beautiful.  Amazing since I always seem to be unshowered and covered in someone else’s food, dirt, and bodily fluid.

I am changing and growing.  I am part of an exciting TV project.  I will be shooting and doing one minute Mom videos that have the possibility to be sold to TV stations across the country.  I was talking with the owner of the company, Jennifer.  Jennifer had auditioned for the company a woman named Shana that I use as a make-up artist.  Shana would report on make-up and fashion tips etc.  Shana is WONDERFUL.  She is beautiful and sexy too boot. I asked how Shana did in her audition.  Jennifer said Shana did well and she tested great with the guys.  She brings the sexy factor to the table.

I laughed and said to Jennifer, “You know just once I would love to hear that about myself….you know Meggan really brings sexy to the table…men love her.”

I told Jen, usually with the guys I bring arm wrestling to the table.  For some odd reason men want to arm wrestle me and then do my best friend.  That is how I test.

Jen laughed and I laughed.  It is so true.

The I had an Oprah Ah-ha moment.  I think I am ready to let some of that old behavior and protection go.  I can be funny and feminine.  Taking care of myself doesn’t necessarily mean I am weak or vain or selfish or vulnerable.  I am seeing how gaining the weight, even before the Zoloft was a means of self protection.  I remember when I got my first job as a television reporter.  Those old fears kicked right up and I immediately gained 25 pounds!!  I had worked so hard for that opportunity and was self sabotaging…again…just like when I was modeling.  I progressed rather quickly and soon started to work on air in San Francisco and true to form…I quit.  I quit tv all together.  I couldn’t stand it.  The success, the attention.  Sad.

Not anymore.  That was so FIVE years ago.  This blog is helping me take the right.  I have found my voice and am slowly finding myself.  I am learning to be pretty and strong and have it all be o.k.  

I want to continue my journey of weight loss and stepping out more into my light and what it means for me to feel sexy, attractive, present.  It seems so simple, but just getting photographed and my make-up done for this website was a HUGE deal.  It was a major barrier to overcome.  To take the right to be photographed in a way that I wanted.  To take the right to say I would like my make-up done to look good.  OMG!  I thought I was going to PUKE the whole time, but I didn’t puke.  I did it!  The photo I had taken is on my About Meggan page and I am still here.  I survived and I want to do more.

All this is so new.  It is scary and new, but wonderful and exciting too.  I feel like I am shedding more than just physical weight, I am shedding emotional weight as well.  Despite my new found feminity, I will still try to bring the funny and I will always love to try and beat the boys, at least now I will do it in lip gloss and a great pair of heels.

Justin Timberlake may be bringing sexy back,  I’m just starting to bring it.


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