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Kid Quotables

Lessons learned as a 7th Grader…

Reilly:  “Meggan, you were right…I did learn a lot as a 7th grader.”

Meggan:  (Puffed with pride)  “Reilly…good for you!  What did you learn?”

Reilly:  “Three things.”

Meggan:  “Math, English, or Science?”

Reilly:  “None of the above.”

Meggan:  (uh-oh)

Reilly: ”I learned”…

1.  “Don’t argue with 7th grade teachers because they are really tired and will pretty much always give you detention.”

2.  ”Don’t get mad at your older brother and punch a wall, because you will break your hand and have to wear a cast that smells funny.”

3.  ”Don’t light matches near a gas tank because it will piss all the adults of really bad and they will FREAK OUT and say you could burn the house down.”

Meggan:  “Well as long as you learned something.”

Reilly:  “I did!  I can’t wait for 8th grade!”

Back Away From The Elmo…

Benny and Elmo

Elmo is a rock star in this house, everybody loves him.  An instance to score a personal cuddle with Elmo without interruption from a 2 1/2-year-old is a moment to treasure and protect.  Benny was giving me the “back away from the Elmo stare.”  I wouldn’t dream of interfering.

I Double Dog Dare You

A friend recently asked “what effects does pregnancy have on your body?”  This required the putting down of the coffee.  I didn’t really know how to reply.  Sometimes a picture of a dog speaks a thousand words.

lampard-poodle[1]

The pre-birth vagina. Proud. Groomed to perfection, on point, able to do tricks, and ready for the show.

The post-birth vagina. Sad, shocked, and more than a little floppier than before.

The post birth stomach…no words necessary.

Mistaken Identity

While watching Sesame Street…

Me:  “Lucas, look…IT’S BIG BIRD!”

Lucas:  (points at television)  ”MAMA!”

Me:  “Ummmm, no Lucas that’s BIG BIRD.”

Lucas:  “MAMA!!

Me:  “BIG BIRD”

Lucas:  “MAMA”

Me:  “Lucas, Mama isn’t a big yellow bird.  Mama is a tall person…not a tall bird.  Mama is here, Big Bird is on Sesame Street on the television.”

Lucas:  (pointing at television) “MAMA!”

Sigh…At least he didn’t mistake me for Oscar the Grouch.  Silver lining.

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